At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
