I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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