The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
