The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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