One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
