it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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