Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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