dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
