And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
