im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
