She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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