Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
