So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
