i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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