Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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