I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
