you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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