once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
