So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
