i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize