this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
