I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
