The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just pee around me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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