I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
