We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
