i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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