it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wear drunk well.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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