i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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