weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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