i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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