I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
