I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
