Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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