I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
