She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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