Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
