And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
