i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
