You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
