You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is Oprah even human
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
