Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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