I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
