tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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