It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
