Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Farmville is her only friend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
