Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
