woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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