69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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