I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
