remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There are leaves in my underwear?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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