He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
