What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I party with great urgency now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
