We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
