If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
