why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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