Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will pee on everything he values.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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