if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
