on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
