So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
