I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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