Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
