so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
