I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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