Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
