Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
