I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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