Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
