I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
