We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
