You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
