wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
