i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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