were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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