I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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