Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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