I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize