so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
