so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
